I got in trouble
for watching pornography
in the library

...
but that was nothing
compared to the trouble I got in
for what I did
At the petting zoo.

They say that
Dogs are color-blind

But if that were true

How could my dog tell the difference
Between my nuts
And my dick?

Retardation
should be a
Capital Offence

Punishable
by
Tardation.

I saw some
Asshole
wearing a shirt
that said
GIT UR DID,
So I stopped him
and said,
"You're a moron, aren't you?"

And he said,
"No, man--I'm a scorpio."

If you color your
Penis
Green
With a dry-erase marker
You'll pee orange for a week.
(I'm not sure how it works with a vagina.)

If you eat a green dry-erase marker,
you'll poo brown

And you'll die.

Does
Michael Moore
hate Republicans,

Or

Does he eat them?

Whenever I go out to eat
I like to order a side of
Guacamole
And spread it all over my face

And pretend to be the
SWAMP THING.



...
By the way,
Ladies:
I'm single.

One morning
After a
V-e-r-y-L-o-n-g
Night
At the hookah bar

I farted smoke.

I did the same thing later that day
At Taco Bell.

Hillary Clinton
and an Orphan
Walk into a bar.

Bartender says:
How's your kid?

And Hillary responds:
He'll be better with some BBQ sauce.

So
True Story:

I'm walking out of Casey's
After buying a pack of
Newports
And a loiterer
Who was also an employee
Says:

"Hey,
I bet you smoke
W-e-e-d,
right?"

So
I said: "Why, yes,
On Occasion. Why
Do you ask?"

He replies:
"White kid smoking
Newports--dead giveaway!"

So I look at him and say:
"You do PCP?"

His response:
"How'd you know?"

I say:
"Because you're standing on a broken knee--
I can see the bone
Poking out."

And he says:
"Aw! You got me!"

Mysogynist?
More like
my sogginess.